Boyfriend of 2 years blindsides his girlfriend by saying that her cat isn't welcome if they move in together, she dumps him then wonders if she shouldn't have: 'If he really loved me, he’d accept her too, right?'

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Dec 29, 2025 11:00 AM EST

Cats are amazing at exposing red flags about your partner. That is a fact. The way that your partner treats your cat, the way that the cat responds to your partner - it all matters, and it should all be paid attention to. If your partner calls you unhygienic for kissing your cat on its adorable little forehead and then refuses to touch you, that's a problem. If your partner doesn't attempt to befriend your cat or gain its trust at all, that's also a problem. If your partner is jealous of your cat and the affection that you have for it, to the point of asking you to rehome the cat, that's a much bigger problem. 

But if your partner does what this boyfriend of two years did to his girlfriend, that might be the worst of it. The two of them had just started looking into moving in together when he dropped a whole ultimatum on his girlfriend: 'it's me or the cat'. That's what he said, in slightly different words. The cat, he told her out of nowhere, cannot come live with us if we are to live together. And she, thankfully, had the right reaction to this. 

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  • 01

    "[Am I overreacting] for breaking up with my boyfriend after he said my cat isn’t welcome if we move in together?"

    picture of a woman holding a cat
    via Unsplash / Nattalia Nuñez

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    We've been together 2 years, and things were going good. We started talking about moving in together soon.
    via Away_Second6774
  • 03
    I have this 7 year old cat. She's been with me through everything. Bad breakups, sad times, moving houses. She's my best friend.
    via Away_Second6774
  • 04
    My boyfriend is a bit allergic. He sneezes a lot, but when he just takes a pill and it's fine.
    via Away_Second6774
  • 05
    Yesterday he sat down with me and said when we get a place together, the cat can't come. He wants to start fresh, no pet hair, no litter box, nothing.
    via Away_Second6774
  • 06
    He said it's kinder to rehome her than make him live with allergies forever.
    via Away_Second6774
  • 07
    I looked at him and said if my cat isn't welcome, then we're done. I can't just give her away like that.
    via Away_Second6774
  • 08
    He got upset. Said i'm choosing an animal over our future, over us building a life together.
    via Away_Second6774
  • 09
    AIO??? She's family to me. I've had her way longer than him. If he really loved me, he'd accept her too right?
    via Away_Second6774

  • This is the right reaction to have. We understand that it hurts and that it's difficult. But it's entirely proper. This is a red line for you and for a lot of cat owners, if not all of them, and this man has been with you for over two years. If he had a problem, he should have said something about it after two weeks, if not two dates. It should not have gone on for two years if a core part of your life was a problem for him. 

  • 10
    picture of a woman holding a cat
    via Unsplash / Roman Synkevych - synkevych

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 11
    hiranoazusa The cat does not know a life without you. If he does not understand that you don't want someone who doesn't care about the lives of others. I wonder if these ppl are psychopaths tbh.
    via hiranoazusa
  • 12
    Curious_Dot3635 Please don't entertain him. He is obviously self absorbed. Not considering your feelings or the welfare of something you love dearly. So clearly yes choose the cat over a selfish child
    via Curious_Dot3635
  • 13
    GenoFlower It's NOT kinder to rehome a cat after 7 years with the same person. Fuck him for even thinking that.
    via GenoFlower

  • We honestly can't think of many things worst than doing this to your cat actually. This home and your love and care are all that this cat knows. Giving your cat to a cat-sitter for a long vacation is difficult enough for the cat. Rehoming the cat is so, so much worse. We are honestly mostly upset with this never having been discussed beforehand. And that is mostly on him, but on you as well. If you saw that he had problems with your cat, if you even so much as slightly suspected, you should have brought it up and made him talk about it as well - the sooner the better. And yet, better late than moving in with him and the cat and possibly risking the cat's well-being. 

  • 14
    He has the right to not want to live with allergies, for sure. But that means you aren't compatible. It's not about kindness. You and kitty are a package deal.
    via GenoFlower
  • 15
    picture of a woman and a cat lying on a bed
    via Unsplash / Adam Kuylenstierna - veda__

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    floofienewfie NOR. Your cat is your life. When my now-husband and I started dating 15 years ago, I told him that my cat and I were a package deal. He was definitely more of a dog guy and had never had a cat before. He was also allergic to them.
    via floofienewfie
  • 17
    Well, eventually the two of them became best buddies and husband just blew his nose a little more. Those two would stay up late at night watching awful movies—the "Bimbo Girls from Mars" kind and when the cat got fed up with the movie, he'd get off husband's lap and meow at him. So husband would change the movie and the cat would settle in for the new movie. I miss that cat.
    via floofienewfie
  • 18
    Auld_Folks_at_Home NOR. He's optional. She's a dependent.
    via Auld_Folks_at_Home
  • 19
    Saul-Funyun I broke up with someone who was highly allergic just because I couldn't see a future without cats. She was awesome, too, but my bubs come first
    via Saul-Funyun

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ultimatum boyfriend cat drama interesting girlfriend story breakup Cats
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